


All Kinds of Beautiful

by Ellstra



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Demisexuality, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 16:58:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17247983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: Hux has never been a big fan of sex, but if that's the price for being with Ren, then so be it.





	All Kinds of Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so emotional guys, this is the first thing I wrote after logn months of not writing anything, and I'm sending 2018 off with this, whatever it is. My writing is all over the place, and I'm not entirely sure what this is but it's something that wanted to crawl out of my system so here it is, in its weird, experimental glory.
> 
>  
> 
> A small warning: The dub-con tag is there because Hux essentially has no idea what consent is, but he's not made to do something against his will. There's a very tiny mention of the concept of pregnancy but it was seriously not worth its tag, but beware if that's not your thing.

Hux is standing by the viewport in his chambers when the door swishes open. He doesn’t turn around – doesn’t have to. It’s a sign of immense trust, and he’s not sure if Ren can quite appreciate it, but he supposes gestures are for him to make and others to decipher. He takes one last drag from his cigarette, the expensive yet unsatisfying surrogate for it Ren insisted he smoked, even though it was disgusting – and because of it – and flicks the switch off. It’s stupid – what kind of cigarette has a switch? – and hides it in the pocket of his robe. A second later Ren’s arms engulf his middle in a tight, warm embrace, desperate and hungry. Hux breathes in and throws his head back, exposing his neck.

Ren mumbles something against the skin of it, something about having missed Hux, as if they didn’t see each other three cycles ago, but Hux cannot bring himself to mock him for it. Because he gets it now, because he missed Ren too. 

Hux turns his head, searching blindly for Ren’s lips like a helpless suckling animal searches for its mother, with need and hunger, and Ren kisses him, warm and impatient and just a little insistent. Hux wants to turn around, to face Ren properly, but he’s locked in place. It thrills him, the helplessness of it, when it once filled him with horror. Ren’s hands start moving then, and goosebumps rise up on the skin he warmed up and abandoned. Hux had never realised how cold his life had been before he let Ren in. 

Ren undoes the knot on the belt and Hux’s robe opens from its neat arrangement. Hux is almost mad at Ren for not even looking at it, the masterpiece he spent so long on creating. Ren’s right hand slithers under the breezy fabric and Hux’s breath hitches when Ren’s fingertips trace his navel. His muscles tense reflexively under the touch, and Ren lays his palm flat over Hux’s belly. For a fleeting moment, Hux feels a a flare of irrational, unprecedented desire to carry Ren’s child. It passes as Hux’s rational mind takes control but he’s shaken, and he knows he will never forget it. 

Ren pauses too, as if the same idea occurred to him, and continues caressing Hux’s stomach while his other hand takes Hux’s left wrist and brings it to his lips. Hux feels silly when Ren places a kiss to his palm, and he’s certain that he’s blushing. He looks at the viewport but their reflection is too faint for him to tell. Ren plants more kisses down the length of Hux’s forearm, into the hollow of his elbow before bringing Hux’s arm to rest on his shoulder. The slippery silk of Hux’s robe exposes one side of his torso and Ren’s hand is immediately on his skin. Hux closes his eyes and gives in to the touch. He catches a handful of Ren’s hair into his fingers and plays idly with it, sighing softly. Ren is all over him now and his body is on fire, quivering with anticipation. 

He shifts his weight, grinds his ass into Ren’s lap and raises his other arm, linking his fingers on the crown of Ren’s head. Ren whispers something lewd and Hux’s ears ring, his conditioning to find such things absolutely repugnant still not quite overruled, but his body responds with shy but insistent enthusiasm. Ren traces the hem of Hux’s underwear – as non-regulation as his conscience allows him to wear – and keeps talking, talking and talking until Hux is writhing in the sweet turmoil of arousal. Ren claims to be recounting his dreams, and Hux doesn’t even care if he’s making all the dirty details up as long as he keeps touching Hux’s thighs and abdomen, brushing his dick in passing every once in a while. 

Hux is painfully hard by the time Ren twists him around and picks him up to carry him to the bed. Hux wraps his thighs around Ren’s waist and he can feel the plug shift inside him. Ren lays him down on the mattress and, for a while, stands above him like a hunter above his prey, and Hux parts his legs and exposes his neck, inviting Ren in, for stars’ sake just come here, Ren. Ren smiles, sheds his clothes one by one, and Hux doesn’t want to turn over before it’s absolutely necessary, he wants to see as much of Ren as possible, the scars and the moles and everything that makes him so unique. Hux is giddy, higher than any cigarette could ever take him and in that moment he feels omnipotent, like a god, or death. 

Ren is naked at last and Hux notices a few fresh scars, some still covered with patches of bacta. He frowns. It’s dark but Ren notices anyway, and he asks what’s wrong, and Hux is at loss for words because yes, they have been sleeping together for a few weeks, and sometimes Ren stays in his bed afterwards and they talk about everything and nothing, but Hux isn’t sure if he’s allowed to worry about Ren. He sits up and Ren joins him on the bed, and the mood changes to a softer but all the warmer one. Hux gingerly touches one of the patches and kisses Ren’s naked shoulder. Ren doesn’t take the hint immediately, and Hux pulls his hand back, ready to present his ass to Ren and steer their relationship back into its proper tracks. 

Ren stops him and finally, finally asks if Hux worried about him, as if it was the most surprising thing he had ever heard, and Hux has to look down because it’s so  _ stupid,  _ but yes, Ren, I don’t want you to get killed. Ren smiles and his eyes look oddly shiny, and Hux wonders how exactly they got here, to being teary eyed and concerned about each other. Ren lays him on his back and climbs between his legs. Hux’s heartbeat is so fast that he’s not sure whether to be embarrassed or afraid for himself, and Ren lays a hand on his chest and points it out, the indiscreet asshole, and he laughs. Hux is too enchanted by the melodious ring of his laughter and by the adorable crookedness of his teeth that he doesn’t even protest, and he touches Ren’s chest above his heart too, and it’s just as fast, as strong, as alive as he wants it to be, and then they’re kissing, urgent and impatient, and it’s a cliché but Hux’s life depends on it either way. 

Ren grabs Hux’s hips with too much force, but Hux isn’t afraid of it. He needs Ren to be brutal with him, wants his raw, unrefined power, and he follows Ren’s orders before he catches his breath to issue them. Ren pulls the plug out of him and throws it onto the ground – Hux can hear it clink as it falls and rolls away – as if it offended him, personally, and he’s holding Hux’s thighs so close to his chest that his ass rises off the bed, and then Ren pushes his cock inside and Hux is so overjoyed he could explode. He grips the bedsheets into his fists, his fingers clenched painfully to ground him, and Ren bottoms out and pauses, unnaturally gentle in his passion. 

Their eyes meet and Hux can’t take it anymore; he coughs up the three words like someone who’s been drowning coughs up water, and Ren makes that odd thing with his face that makes it look like he’s moved by Hux’s words, the expression that makes it look like he loves Hux back. He kisses the inside of one of Hux’s knees and he whispers something and Hux doesn’t dare believe that it’s what he wants so desperately to hear. 

Ren starts rolling his hips then, and they fall silent, the heavy words forgotten for a moment as they find a rhythm, and Hux doesn’t quite know what to do with his face. This is the first time he faces Ren while he gives his body to him, the first time he’s not allowed to hide his expression into a pillow or a wall, and it seems like he’s never been quite as naked before Ren as he is now. His cock is trapped between their bellies and he’s so relieved that it’s hard that he could cry. His back arches to meet Ren’s thrusts and it feels  _ good  _ to have Ren inside him, and not just because he missed him, and certainly not because he wants to just please Ren, and the realisation hits him like shockwave from an explosion. 

Encouragements of all sorts spill from his mouth and he doesn’t feign them this time. It feels different tonight, as if his soul is in the act as much as his body, and it’s not just plain stimulation of nerves, a mere physical response, but he’s so exhilarated to have Ren fuck him that he comes all over his belly before Ren’s pace breaks into the disorganised frenzy that precedes his orgasm. 

Hux’s eyes fly open with surprise and Ren slows down with a smile. He cups Hux’s face in one hand and Hux is embarrassed to learn that Ren is brushing tears away from his cheek. Ren asks him if he’s okay and Hux doesn’t have the right words to explain that he just enjoyed sex for sex alone for the first time, or that he loves Ren so much for making him feel all these things he thought he was too broken to feel, or that he never wants this moment to stop, so he just nods and wraps his legs tighter around Ren, pushing him closer towards his own completion, feeling almost guilty for having finished first. 

Ren takes his time, fucking Hux slowly and tenderly as if he’s worried about hurting him, and Hux covers his face with his hands, afraid that Ren would find him ugly and overly emotional and break their little liaison up, because he’s not sure if he would survive that. He’s been repressing his emotions for so long that he almost forgot just how much he felt, just how desperate for acceptance and connection he was. 

Ren comes at last and he slows down until he stops moving but he doesn’t pull out. Hux untangles his legs and lets them rest at each side of Ren’s hips. For a while, their breathing is the only thing to be heard. Then Ren reaches for Hux’s hands and uncovers his face. He lies down on top of Hux, his body loose and pliant and warm, and he kisses Hux. Hux can’t move, his heart so full of love he’s afraid it would burst open at the smallest hint of exertion, but Ren doesn’t need him to move. For now, it’s enough that he’s there, and knowing that makes him tremble. It’s never been enough for him to just  _ be _ , to live in the moment, his mind preoccupied only with the sensory stimuli – the weight of Ren’s warm body on top of him, the cooling droplets of sweat on their skin, the smell of Ren’s exotic perfume mixed with sex, the barely audible humming of the ship, something he could only hear in moments like this when he was completely still. 

I love you, Ren drowns it with his deep voice, velvety and soothing, and Hux feels so content, so utterly happy, that he’s half convinced he’s died, or dreaming. 

Yes, he breathes out, as if it’s an answer, as if he knows what to say. Ren chuckles and kisses the tip of his nose. He rises on one arm, offers to wash Hux. Hux wants to accept, oh so eager to get Ren to touch him again, but he’s too comfortable to move, afraid of shattering his little paradise. He whimpers, hoping to convey all of this in the one sound, but Ren stands up anyway. Hux is about to protest but Ren bends over and scoops him up in his arms like he weighs nothing at all. Hux curls up, wrapping his arms around Ren’s neck. Ren carries him all the way to the fresher and Hux refuses to let go of him in the shower. He’s pathetic, clingy like an abandoned puppy, and for some reason Ren finds it adorable rather than off-putting. Because he loves me, Hux thinks happily, and he’s not entirely sure how he achieved something so marvelous. 

Ren washes him with a soft pinkish sponge that he brought for Hux from a mission a while ago, a luxurious, rare thing that Hux never uses when he’s alone, not feeling worthy enough but loving Ren’s assurances of the contrary. The soap is unscented, a medicinal mixture for Hux’s sensitive skin, but Ren uses it with so much reverence one would think it contained stardust and ashes of Alderaan or something equally pretentious and expensive. Ren loves pretentious and expensive, and Hux loves Ren enough to indulge him every once in a while. 

At some point, Hux thinks that there might be a round two – Ren’s touches grow more searching, more appreciative – and he surprises himself with feeling almost excited for it. He turns around in Ren’s arms, places his hands on the wall and waits. They’ve never had sex in the shower – they haven’t tried that many things in all fairness, and Hux dreads the moment Ren might ask to have their positions switched. It’s one thing to give his body up for Ren to use it as he pleased, and Hux even learned to see the perks in it, but assuming the active role was a whole new world he wasn’t sure about entering. Ren takes the hint; his body covers Hux’s, so perfectly that he’s shielded from the falling water, and his arms envelop Hux around the middle. Ren’s lips find Hux’s ear and nibble at it; it’s an oddly erotic sensation and Hux surprises them both with a small but insistent whimper. Ren holds Hux so tightly he’s almost breathless, but much like earlier, this restriction arouses Hux rather than anything else. 

Ren turns the water off, and Hux expects to shiver with the cold but Ren doesn’t give him the chance. He takes Hux’s cock in his hand and strokes it, whispering obscenities into Hux’s abused ear, and soon Hux writhes under his touch, one cheek pressed against the cool shower wall. He can feel Ren’s cock wedged between his legs and he wants to tell Ren to take him, not to waste time and energy on him because he doesn’t matter, he doesn’t need to come, he’s already satisfied beyond measure with Ren this close, but he can’t and soon he’s arching his back, his legs trembling, and Ren sends him over the edge with a chain of compliments. Hux has always been terribly vain, and Ren knows exactly how to use it against him. 

Hux’s legs turn into jelly and he collapses, relying fully on Ren to catch him. Ren supports him through the aftershock, and he doesn’t stop whispering the most ridiculous pet names into Hux’s abused ear, pet names that Hux would find embarrassing if he were in his right mind, pet names that make him feel unique, like a spoiled prince of the universe, now when Ren holds him. 

When he regains his footing, Hux turns around slowly. Ren’s hair is dripping with water and it still looks amazing, and it’s not fair, Ren, it’s not bloody fair. Ren chuckles and kisses Hux. He’s still hard but it doesn’t seem like he’s going to do anything about it, like he’s going to leave the score like that, leave Hux owing him. Hux doesn’t want to think of his father when he’s kissing Ren, but he remembers Brendol’s lessons about debts now. He breaks the kiss and lowers himself onto his knees, too fast, too eager, and he knows it will leave a bruise – he bruises so easily – and Ren gasps when Hux takes him in his mouth.

He’s done this a few times before, before Ren, when it tasted like humiliation and inevitability, and then with Ren, when the bitter mixed with a hint of sweet – Ren was prone to babble incoherent nonsense with Hux’s lips around his cock, and Hux found it rather adorable. Praise and encouragement begins pouring from Ren’s mouth almost instantly; Hux closes his eyes and concentrates at the task at hand, allowing himself a bit of experimentation. 

Ren comes just a moment later, with a broken moan, as if he was breathing in and out at the same time. Hux tries to swallow but his mouth is too full and he gags and pulls away, Ren’s cock slipping out of his mouth. He spits the remainder of Ren’s come out, and he’s angry with himself, because he failed, again. He doesn’t get up and Ren has to make him raise his head to look at him. Hux feels bitter tears prickle in his eyes and Ren squats to force Hux to look at him. 

You’re perfect, Ren says, his voice so stern it sends shivers down Hux’s spine, I don’t want you to do anything that’s uncomfortable, alright? 

Hux nods – as if he was ever going to protest anything Ren wanted to do in private, as if he was ever going to risk losing Ren for his own comfort, as if his body was worth that much – but Ren can sense the insincerity of it. 

Do you even find me attractive? 

Hux’s eyes widen – what a stupid question. Ren is a god in human form, so impossibly beautiful it makes Hux’s heart skip a beat sometimes, the only person to ever make Hux even remotely interested in sex, and he asks if he’s attractive to Hux. All these thoughts rush through Hux’s mind but they’re too complicated, too personal, to say out loud so he remains silent and Ren’s face falls and Hux can see that he fucked up, big time. Ren stands up and turns around, stepping out of the shower. He reaches for a towel and starts drying himself, angry and violent, and Hux is paralysed, watching his nightmare play out in front of him, unable to think of a single thing to say to stop this. 

Ren!

He hesitates, slows down, and Hux sighs with relief, because that means he still has a chance. He remains on his knees, not trusting his legs and hoping looking pathetic will make Ren believe his – pathetic – story. Or maybe it will lose him the last ounce of respect Ren had for him, the fact that he’s weak and broken and can’t even get it up very often. But he has to try. 

The first word is difficult to pronounce, filling his whole mouth like drivel, but once he finds his voice, he can’t stop until he tells Ren everything, even the details that aren’t really that important. Ren’s expression goes from incredulous to astonished but he doesn’t leave, and that’s enough. 

You’re unbelievable, Ren says at last. Hux supposes he deserves the tirade about how they need to be honest with each other even though he doesn’t entirely understand why it bothers Ren so much that he pretended to be more into sex than he was, as long as Ren couldn’t tell the difference. He tells Ren as much, and assures him that he got as much out of it as Ren did, even if in a different form, and that stops Ren’s rant. He seems only now to realise that Hux is still kneeling on the cold hard tiles, and tells him to get up and that they’d talk in the living room. 

Ren is fully dressed, sitting on Hux’s sofa by the time Hux emerges from the shower, wrapped up in just a towel. It’s unfair, disbalanced, and Hux is afraid Ren put his clothes on to be able to flee as fast as possible. He points it out and Ren says he thinks they should be dressed accordingly to the seriousness of the situation. Hux doesn’t know what that means, and he’s still nearly naked, water dripping from his dishevelled hair. 

Why were you lying to me, Ren asks when Hux sits down, still in the towel. Hux doesn’t think it’s fair to phrase the question like this – he wasn’t lying. He never said he wanted to have sex with Ren, he just accepted his advances, feeling overjoyed because finally,  _ finally,  _ someone chose him. He can see that Ren is taken aback by that, as if it’s never occurred to him just how much it meant to Hux. After a moment of silence, he asks, softly, uncertainly: was I your first?

Hux chuckles, but it’s a mirthless, pained laugh. 

No, he says. 

Yes, he thinks. 

Ren takes his hand and brings it up to his lips, planting a soft kiss to the inner side of Hux’s wrist. I want you to be honest with me, Ren says. Hux considers it. He’s been used to hiding, pretending and downright lying his whole life. As much as he hid from Ren, he had already opened up more to him than he had to anyone in long, lonely years. And Ren wants more. Hux isn’t sure if he can give more. 

I just want you to want me, he says. Ren looks at him with something akin to sadness in his eyes, as if he pities Hux, and Hux is sure he’s going to break up with him.

I’ll always want you, Ren assures him and gets down on his knees. He gives a whole speech on how he wants Hux to feel safe in their relationship, and how he doesn’t want him to just let Ren dictate the pace, and a myriad of other things that Hux doesn’t really listen to, drowning in Ren’s passionate, warm eyes, letting his voice lull him. 

When he’s done with his lecture, Ren asks Hux if there is something, anything, he’d like Ren to do. Hux is almost ready to say no, or I don’t know, but then he gets an idea. 

Ren messes up making Hux’s tea, but only a little, and he tries so adorably hard Hux breaks his promise in that moment already, telling Ren he couldn’t have made it any better, and it’s all worth it for the radiant, satisfied smile on Ren’s face. 

Hux isn’t sure if he’ll be able to keep his promise, but he knows he’ll try as hard as is humanly possible, and then some more.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Come listen to my rambling on [twitter](https://twitter.com/EllstraH)


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